Wikipedia:Peer review/Untitled from Marilyn Monroe by Andy Warhol/archive1

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Untitled from Marilyn Monroe by Andy Warhol[edit]

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I've listed this article for peer review because it is my first article on Wikipedia and I am not exactly sure on the tone and format of writing required. I have stuck to mostly factual and source based article writing but not sure if my article resembles too much of an essay style. Furthermore, I'm unsure about the the format of the media captions and if they are in line with articles in the Art category. I would like some help on what else should be added in terms of templates or format style for art articles. My sections are spaced out and seem blocky, should I include sub heading within the major headings? Also, within each section I'm not sure if I am correctly sticking to the main topic or if my focus drifts.

Thanks, Fisa2702 (talk) 12:10, 23 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

comments by Vyeh

@Fisa2702: Your sources;

  1. "https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/398904". www.metmuseum.org. Retrieved 2018-10-23. {{cite web}}: External link in |title= (help) -- (a) Do not put in periods. "https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/398904." results in "Page Not Found." "https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/398904" results in the source. (b) The title should be "Untitled from Marilyn Monroe". As the error message in the references indicates, the URL is not the title. (c) Citations are generally not used in the lead section if the material is repeated in the body. See WP:Leadcite.
  2. "Andy Warhol | Marilyn Monroe 22 | 1967 | Hamilton-Selway". Hamilton-Selway. Retrieved 2018-10-23. -- (a) Not needed in lead if material and source are repeated in the body. (b) There are restrictions on the use of vendor sites, which I believe includes Hamilton-Selway. Wikipedia:Identifying reliable sources#Vendor and e-commerce sources
  3. Lyon, Christopher (1989). "Andy Warhol in Black and White". MoMA (50): 1–3. -- not needed in lead section if material and source are repeated in body.
  4. "Andy Warhol Screenprints | Princeton University Art Museum". artmuseum.princeton.edu. Retrieved 2018-10-23. -- not needed in lead section if material and source are repeated in the body.
  5. "Why did Andy Warhol paint Marilyn Monroe?". Public Delivery. 2018-10-15. Retrieved 2018-10-23. -- (a) not needed in lead section .... (b) I added a wiki link to "Public Delivery."
  6. Whiting, Cécile (1987). "Andy Warhol, the Public Star and the Private Self". Oxford Art Journal. 10 (2): 58–75. -- OK
  7. Malanga, Gerard; WARHOL, ANDY (1971). "A CONVERSATION WITH ANDY WARHOL". The Print Collector's Newsletter. 1 (6): 125–127. -- OK
  8. "Marilyn Monroe born". HISTORY. Retrieved 2018-10-23. -- (a) the source provide date, author, publisher, which I added. (b) it isn't necessary to say "language=en" for the English wikipedia.
  9. "Marilyn Monroe Biography - life, childhood, parents, name, death, mother, young, old, information, born". www.notablebiographies.com. Retrieved 2018-10-23. -- OK.
  10. "Login to eResources, The University of Sydney Library". ezproxy.library.usyd.edu.au. Retrieved 2018-10-23. -- I get a login page, which corresponds to the title of the source. Even if I can't access the page, the title should have something to do with Monroe.
  11. "Login to eResources, The University of Sydney Library". ezproxy.library.usyd.edu.au. Retrieved 2018-10-23. -- same comment as above.
  12. "Analysis: Andy Warhol's Marilyn Monroe Series (1962, 1967)". news.masterworksfineart.com. Retrieved 2018-10-23. -- There are restrictions on the use of vendor sites, which I believe includes Masterworks Fine Arts. Wikipedia:Identifying reliable sources#Vendor and e-commerce sources
  13. "Login to eResources, The University of Sydney Library". ezproxy.library.usyd.edu.au. Retrieved 2018-10-23. -- same comment as the last but one and the last but two.
  14. "Login to eResources, The University of Sydney Library". ezproxy.library.usyd.edu.au. Retrieved 2018-10-23. -- same comment as above.
  15. "Andy Warhols Silk Screening Process | Hamilton-Selway". Hamilton-Selway. 2017-03-13. Retrieved 2018-10-23. -- There are restrictions on the use of vendor sites, which I believe includes Hamilton-Selway. Wikipedia:Identifying reliable sources#Vendor and e-commerce sources

Lead section

In addition to copy-editing the lead section, I bolded Untitled from Marilyn Monroe. Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section#Format of the first sentence. I think the title of the article should be "Untitled from Marilyn Monroe". Wikipedia:Article titles#Deciding on an article title: "Conciseness – The title is no longer than necessary to identify the article's subject and distinguish it from other subjects." and Wikipedia:Article titles#Conciseness:

The goal of conciseness is to balance brevity with sufficient information to identify the topic to a person familiar with the subject area.

For example:

I added wikilinks to Marilyn Monroe and Niagara.

History/Influences

In addition to copy-editing, I removed "sorrowful" and "infamous", which violate WP:Neutral point of view. I added wikilinks for Jasper Johns, Robert Rauschenberg, and Neo-Dada. I replaced "<sup>[1]</sup>" with '<ref name=":0" />'. I believe the first sentence of the third paragraph needs a citation. While some editors put all their citations at the end of each paragraph, this sentence has a quote, which should be sourced.

Subject of the Work

Besides copy-editing, I changed the name of the section, divided it into two sections and added wikilinks. I added material from the lead section about a promotional still by Gene Kornman for Niagara being the basis for the work.

Analysis

"The only difference between the 10 works are the imperfections, smudges and blurriness attributed to the commercial process of the silkscreen technique." --- According to the first sentence of the second paragraph of the lead, "each print has been recognised as a stand-alone and is named after the colours in the work".

I copy-edited the paragraph, making some assumptions about what you intended to say. If the results are not what you intended to say, that will give you an idea of what you need to fix. I added material from the lead section about artistic appropriation.

Technique

Besides copy-editing, I added a wiki-link for The Factory

Critical and Commercial Reception

I created a new section and copied material from the lead section. The lead should be a summary of the body of the article. And critical and commercial reception belongs in an article about an art work.

Your user page User:Fisa2702 redirects to Untitled from Marilyn Monroe by Andy Warhol. I've gone ahead and created a talk page, so I could leave a detailed response to the questions you raised above. Vyeh (talk) 09:16, 24 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

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